Ravings of a mad Hillbilly

Update friends list please

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 12:04:08 GMT

I'm switching to BrokebackVol, as I am moving to Atlanta next week. Thanks!!

Heterosexism rears its ugly head once again

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 12:57:54 GMT

This is outrageous!

http://www.towleroad.com/2007/06/students-gay-ki.html

Now THIS makes me think of home

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 20:30:39 GMT

I want one!!!

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/fur/359292576.html

13 days til Atlanta

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 16:02:23 GMT

I had some real wild dreams last night...been up too long now to be able to say much about them, other than I seem to only dream on weekends, when I get more sleep. I am really looking forward to being able to sleep later, since I will be working from home, but want to find part-time work in the evenings mon-thurs for extra money. I gotta have my weekends free again, though. I need a social life.

My weekend boss and partner is taking me out to dinner this evening...Indian Buffet place they have raved about. My evenings are about to be pretty busy with farewell dinners with friends that want to wish me well on the next part of my life. It's exciting, but a little sad to say goodbye to folks.

Sleepy at the weekend job...

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 19:39:56 GMT

I've been wishing friends down in Atlanta "Happy Pride Weekend" while at the same time feeling jealous that *I* am not getting to enjoy it in person. I don't even bother with DC Pride anymore, as it's gotten pretty lame - plus I've had to work anyway.

I'm wondering what kind of part time job I can find a few evenings during the work week once I am moved to ATL, as I want/need the extra cash, but have DEFINITELY decided I have got to have my weekends off again - I just can't do this working 7 days/week anymore - I need to have a mental and physical break from it. I can kill two birds with one stone working weekday evenings, since I will want to get out of the house a bit after working at home all day.

I'm starting to get that "writing" bug again...but not sure what I want to write about. Perhaps I could start reflecting on my 14 years of self-imposed exile here in DC - I've been thinking about that quite a bit as I start my return to life in the South. I know some people might not understand why I feel drawn back. All I really have to say is it it to be closer to my family. I've been making the effort to emotionally get closer to my sister, as that seems to be the way to get back into good graces - of course I am always in mom's good graces, but sis and I have to get over our issues with each other. It's working, and her children are helping by drawing me in with a very open, non judgemental attitude towards me.

Starting the home stretch

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 12:28:44 GMT

Wow. I'm beginning the pre-move period where coworkers and friends are beginning the farewell lunches, dinners, etc. It's becoming real now - I'm actually moving to Atlanta. Something I have been dreaming about for nearly a year.

I first decided I wanted to do this after July 4th of last year, when I spent the holiday with my friends Mike and Jim (whom I met up here while they lived here for a year in Silver Spring.) I quickly started spending time when I could down there, and getting more and more comfortable with the idea of moving south again. My friends gave me a birthday party down there (complete with dj)and the *BIG* factor was my ole college buddy Chip deciding to move down there from TN.

That is something I have missed alot in the 14 years I have lived up here in DC - I've had boyfriends and other friends here, but not like Chip. It's the kind of friendship where we can not talk for weeks (which would be almost ridiculous since we talk alot on the phone) but pick right up where we left off. It's like finding a wonderfully comfortable quilt in the attic. Just a good wash n dry and it's ready to go!

Also, being so much closer to the family in TN is exciting - again, being in a self-imposed exile has finally made me realize that I love them all with their imperfections, and I want them to love me and bring me back in, sort of like the prodigal son. They all seem to be very happy about me moving closer, so that I can be there for birthdays, holidays, emergencies, whatever. They are people I belong to, but it has taken me 14 years or so to recognize that fact. I've had my time away from the "Bible Belt" but it's time to go home. DC is not home, and never will be.

Gonna be another hot one - weatherman said this morning "Today is gonna be an 'Air you can wear' code orange day." I'm gonna hide in A/C. Ick!

Pulling out of a bummer

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 22:40:53 GMT

Ok, a few hours later...

Yeah, I'm starting to accept it, and again turn my eye southward, and look forward to my new life living down in Atlanta. One reason I am moving to Atlanta is cause a longtime friend from college moved down there from my hometown a year ago. Another close one will only be a day's drive away (he lives in orlando).

I do feel more comfortable going out and socializing down there. Guess its cause I'm southern. I know I like the idea of being able to go home for holidays more often.

I did try to patch it up with him, but it takes two. Time to suck it up and just let it go.

But I'm not pathetic, and I have to remind myself of that. I am human with weaknesses, and sometimes I fuck up. Sometimes it forgetting an event, or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Sometimes we keep resentments hidden, and without communication, there they lie. Waiting for an opportunity to blow up into something more substantial. Just like any relationship.

Damn, why is it so hard to talk to each other, and get our needs met just by vocalizing them. "I'm lonely." Why is so hard to admit to someone? But while sometimes I like my own company, sometimes I want to be able to give a yell over the phone or email "Wanna go out to dinner tonight?"

Sigh...

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 19:10:10 GMT

At times, I really think that it might be a mistake to post my thoughts here, as I don't want people to think of me as some pathetic loser.

But then again, maybe I am.

I've been trying to reconcile with a former friend before I move south, and I happened to see an email exchange between a mutual friend that warned him I was sending a note, attempting one more time. I got nothing but silence in response, but I saw that the former friend said he got it and it was soooooo pathetic. Ouch.

Why am I trying to reconcile with an alcoholic, anyway? He is particularly vicious in how he talks about people behind their backs, is a real hypocrite, very judgemental, and I can get along without the friendship. I guess it's because I am still remembering the good times we shared. I hate moving away under these conditions, but I have to recognize that the poisonous little asshole doesn't want reconciliation, doesn't want to face his issues, and is happier without me being in his life.

It hurts, but I have to move on with my life and hope there are better people in my future that can validate me as a person, and accept me for being the imperfect person that I am. I do good things, too. I'm not stupid, and while I make mistakes, so does everyone else. I've had good friendships with people over the years just as strong, and certainly longer in duration.

It still hurts, though. No wonder I have walls around myself, to try to avoid that hurt.

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 13:21:32 GMT

If there are one or more people on your friends list who make your world a better place just because they exist, and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the Internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Should I close this down?

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:52:44 GMT

Does anybody read this? I'm not sure it's worth the effort anymore. No comments, or damned few leads me to think I'm not entertaining or something.

DC Pride

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:16:04 GMT

Hey - my buddy Jeff took a ton of pix of DC Price (here's the link to go peek:
http://picasaweb.google.com/dcmsufan/PrideDC2007?authkey=DEIRwET8E2g )

I'm so excited about finally finding my new apartment down in Atlanta (actually Smyrna)- slept like a baby last night!

Dreamin'

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 14:27:34 GMT

Wishing I was still in my bed at this moment, but here I am at my desk like a good loyal employee...

I'm sleepy this morning (more than usual) as I went to see a stage musical version of "Witches of Eastwick" last night at the Signature Theatre over in Arlington last night ( my housemate and his ex and donors so they get tickets for things like press openings.) Great show! Runs about 2.5 hours but it starred my fave male Broadway Star, Marc Kudich (hairy muscular hunk o man!) and was not a bit boring. But getting by on 6 hours sleep just doesn't cut it for me anymore.

Finally got the info for paying the deductable on my rental car accident last month down in TN. Owch -$1000 down the drain.

Waiting to hear from my buddy Chip, who is looking at some apartments down in Atlanta for me today - I'm anxious to get that part resolved, since I really don't want to have to move twice - rather pull up, unload the truck, and be done.

stressed out

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 15:13:20 GMT

So it seems I am allowing this impending move to Atlanta to freak me out, and it's causing some physical stress...not to be gross, but at first I thought I was just constipated...but that isn't it. I'm having pain in my abdomen that is also in my upper back. I don't think it's heart related though - at least I hope not. Considering I work 7 days/week and have NO social life, let alone even get laid, I shouldn't be surprised. I can't wait to get outta DC - with the exception of my housemate and his boyfriend, I feel like nobody here cares about me anyway. At least once I get down there, I'll be close enough to see family often, where I know I am loved.

Yay!!

Wed, 30 May 2007 16:26:51 GMT

It is only gonna cost $500 to fix my car air conditioning...happy day!!

grumble

Tue, 29 May 2007 11:46:52 GMT

So I found out from the partner of someone I was friends with that the reason why we can't patch things up is because I called them "toxic" people due to their alcoholism.

Part of me wants to apologize. I do miss them, but at the same time, do I miss them enough? I'm moving soon, so it's not like I'm going to miss hanging out with them - we haven't been social in about 2 years now, and some pretty hard words were exchanged.

Does it really matter anymore? Or am I just wanting to clear my mind of the unfinished business before I move.

oh the pain, the pain...

Fri, 18 May 2007 14:59:03 GMT

So I picked up the Intrepid from Pepboys yesterday evening...and they told me they couldn't fix the A/C, the Evaporator Core is gone and it will have to be fixed by dealer since it's under the dash...and to expect a big bill. I heard from the used dealership where I bought the car in November, and they quoted $1300 plus tax and shop supplies...

So suddenly I am facing an insurance deductable of $1000, $1300+ car repair, cost of moving to Atlanta...

Boy do I need a lottery win!

My dispairing friend

Thu, 17 May 2007 14:02:24 GMT

It's so hard to see you struggle, picking up the pieces only to have them knocked from your hands...but I am here.

Listening to you rant at how unfair life is, and how you want to end it all, even though I know you are still a survivor...and I am still here.

Hugging you when you are elated for seeing light at the end of the tunnel, only to discover its a train headed towards you...I'm still here.

I'll help you cry, laugh, celebrate, or dispair, it's all up to you.

I'm right here. Because you are there. I need no other reason.

Why are most of the presidential hopefuls millionaires?

Thu, 17 May 2007 13:49:55 GMT

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/16/AR2007051600811.html?hpid=topnews

And how in the world can they tell us they understand how tough it is to visit the gas stations these days and feel the pain in the wallet?

Back in DC

Wed, 16 May 2007 11:46:52 GMT

Well, I'm back in the office this morning...bleary eyed but here...glad we are supposed to get rain today so the pollen will get washed away - my white car is yellow...

My trip to Atlanta and Knoxville were basically good, if you subtract the mishap in the rental car...Mom was surprised, had a great time seeing my family (who are excited I am moving down closer to them after 14 years), good to see my friend Chip, Happyhead64, Mike and Jim, and Benn. I can't wait to get down there...despite the hassle of moving.

It's now official...

Fri, 11 May 2007 01:54:42 GMT

I am relocating to Atlanta the beginning of July 2007...

Wow - good ad - didn't expect it to belong to John Edwards

Tue, 08 May 2007 23:38:17 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnHkWfIAyHE

This is it...

Mon, 07 May 2007 12:21:56 GMT

Well I did it. I spoke with my manager this morning about relocating to Atlanta and continuing with the company, and then after her editorial imput, emailed the proposal to the VP.

Gosh, it's scary. However, I am eager to see how it plays out. Hopefully the VP will agree to keep me on as I have requested.

Cross your fingers everybody!!!

wooohooo!!

Thu, 03 May 2007 15:02:05 GMT

I got a raise!!!! I've not had once since I started this job in Dec 03, so I'm elated...so I just have to play my cards right so I can remain with the company and still relocate to Atlanta!
Cross your fingers!!!

First package is ready

Tue, 01 May 2007 11:49:48 GMT

So I've got the first package ready to send to my adopted soldier over in Iraq. I think probably the most fun treat I sent was the really *BAD* National Examiner or whatever it was called. You know, with headlines like "Bigfoot marries Pamela Anderson in secret cave ceremony." I figured that would be amusing to the troops.

And no, I have not changed my mind - the war in Iraq was a huge mistake, but soldiers don't get to pick where they go.

GAWD this was funny!

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 21:36:47 GMT

http://www.devilducky.com/media/60668/

First off, turn your volume down. Second, do not laugh too loud. Third, to recover from the shock simply breathe deeply and drink a glass of water (or vodka if you so choose).